I started this blog for many of the reasons that anyone starts a blog. To write…to write about my life, but more importantly to write about my feelings; about what makes me tick. That being said, I tell H pretty much everything…(except for the stupid mundane stuff about life which I know he is glad I don’t tell him), but I have not told him about the blog. AND, I’m not sure I’m going to. But, part of me feels like I should, like I’m keeping something important from him. The other part feels like its just another part of my “mundane” world that he wouldn’t even really care about anyway.
So my question to all of you out there is this: Should I tell him?
The next issue on my mind is about where I want to be in the next few years, both professionally and personally. I am a huge history snob…I was a history major in college and pretty much had “crushes” on my professors (I admit I am weird) who were soo incredibly knowledgeable in history that I could have sat on their classrooms for hours. I studied under some great people, and after graduating in May, part of me is glad to be done with school (mainly done with homework and tests), but a very large part of me misses it; and that part wants to go back to school and get my Masters, maybe my PhD and DO something with my life and my passion. Small kink: I actually love my job and it pays really well. It just has absolutely nothing to do with what I like.
I’m at a crossroads and I am completely indecisive at the moment. I will continue to wrestle with my thoughts and my desires. I just don’t know what should win out, logic or desire? comfort or dreams? We will see. It would be easier to decide if I felt strongly about either one, but I don’t and I think thats what frustrates me the most. There is very little that I feel “strongly” about. I become pretty comfortable pretty darn quick and I hate change a.k.a. rocking the boat. So it scares me.
Ultimately…what scares me most is fear of failure. Fear of not doing what I should be doing; what I’m meant to do. Fear of starting what I may love and discovering I suck at it, that I’m not driven enough.
Sometimes its easier to just not even think about it.
citygyrli Said:
on July 31, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Hey, I know this post is really old, but I kinda had the same questions about whether I should tell GTO guy about my blog. In the end, I did. mainly because I was afraid that if he found it and i didn’t tell him, he would think it was something that I was trying to keep a secret and I just didn’t want to have that fight. The down side to that, though, is that now i can’t write about anything that happens between us. But I think it was worth it. I don’t know what you decided, but i thought I would tell you my thoughts.